


shatter me, break me

by niigoki



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/F, Female My Unit | Byleth, Fluff, POV Second Person, Post-Time Skip, spoilers for Crimson Flower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-12 00:09:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20554976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niigoki/pseuds/niigoki
Summary: Maybe the reason you came into her life was not to pick up her pieces, but to shatter with her so you could both patch each other up with parts of one another.





	shatter me, break me

**Author's Note:**

> i'm on my 3rd playthrough and i miss my wife

It is a feast if you’ve ever seen one. The tension from everyone’s shoulders and expressions seems to have been lifted. The noise – how you missed the noise – coming from every table as mountains and mountains of food are served is invigorating. You hear Caspar yelling something as he puts Linhardt in a headlock, and for once the mage doesn’t complain. He smiles, mouth full of boar meat, happy that his treasured friend is safe, is alive.

They’re alive.

Your gaze falls on Ferdinand. His long, tussled hair looks wonderful, and you wonder why this particular feature strikes you only now. Maybe because you’ve been too busy with the war to notice little things like this. Ferdinand is also smiling – not as brightly as five years ago, but definitely brighter than a few months ago. Petra and Dorothea indulge his long speech, slurred by the alcohol. Both women laugh and your heart (now it beats) does something inside your chest. It’s going to be hard to get used to this.

Dorothea opens her eyes and looks at you from where she sits. Her gaze is soft, filled with meaning. You’ve never been too good at reading people, but for some reason Dorothea is an open book to you. Always has been. Maybe because she wore her demons on her sleeve, but everyone was too busy looking elsewhere to notice boring things like wrists. You never thought her wrists were boring, though. Every part of Dorothea was wonderful.

She simply nods at you, and it could mean a thousand different things. You understand them all and nod back with a smile of your own. Then, her eyes move behind you; she grins wider, looks at you again, winks, nods once more, and turns her attention back to her friends.

A sign. You turn your head, seeking what she meant.

When you see Edelgard’s red cape disappearing behind the wooden door, you know exactly what to do. Without even thinking, your legs move.

Chasing after her is as natural as your heartbeat now. Maybe both things were connected.

Edelgard is quite fast for someone who has been running nonstop since she was born. You’d think she’d be tired by now, but her legs carry her like the wind. You find her regardless, at the balcony. And you take your time to watch her properly.

She leans with her arms on the rail, looking down at the Empire she just saved. Torches light up the houses far below, creating a beautiful starry sky on the ground, as well as above their heads. Everything is bright, like the future Edelgard envisioned.

You wonder why she looks unhappy, then.

“Are you going to watch me from the shadows, or join me?” She speaks up and you jolt a little. When Edelgard turns her face sideways, she’s grinning slightly.

Her side profile is gorgeous, but you want to see the whole picture; how it looks like illuminated by the moon, and torches, and stars. Her beauty compels you to move, and before you realize, you’re by her side again. “You left the banquet.”

“I needed some fresh air.” Edelgard answers, looking back down. Her demeanor is soft. Still guarded, as she always is, but you have a feeling that she allows herself to be more vulnerable around you. It makes your chest hurt more. A beating heart is a strange item.

You don’t really know how to continue this conversation, or even if she wants to keep talking at all, so you hum in understanding and keep her company, quietly. She is probably thinking of many things, many complicated issues that you won’t be able to solve for her. Being an Emperor is hard. You’ve come to learn that.

“You know, I have dreamed about this moment for so long.” Edelgard breaks the silence. “But in none of my fantasies I could’ve predicted this.”

“This?” You ask.

“I fantasized about a unified nation, a better society not bound by the neglectful Crest system. About having all of my colleagues alive and well after the war. About a grand feast that I would throw once my goals were achieved.” She stares at her gloved hands. “Everything that happened, I’ve dreamed about it all. But I never could’ve predicted you.”

You can’t tell if this revelation is a good or bad thing, but your heart hurts all the same. “Is my presence a burden?”

Edelgard lifts her gaze and looks at you, shocked. She lets out a breathless chuckle. “After everything, this is the conclusion you reach?”

“I’m not good at reading people.” You feel like you’re a child again, being scolded by Jeralt. “Although… I like to think I’ve become good enough at reading you.”

Edelgard’s small laughter could bring you back to life over and over again. “No one else can read me better than you, my teacher.” She pauses. “Just don’t tell Hubert that.”

“I won’t.” Then you smile, because that made you happy.

The momentary silence is your cue to look at Edelgard and take in all that she is. There are a few scars here and there – battle wounds that weren’t completely healed yet. Her hair is silky and shiny under the moonlight. Her face, you think, sculpted by the goddess herself. You wonder what Sothis would think of this little thought if she was still around.

You can almost hear her voice.

_So utterly, hopelessly, foolishly in love, aren’t you?_

Love.

Jeralt never quite explained what that was, but you know he loved your mother dearly. You’ve seen many types of love during your time at the monastery, all of them very different from one another. It was hard to distinguish them.

You know Seteth loved Flayn because of how much he worried about her. Shamir and Catherine always watched each other’s backs, afraid of losing the other in battle. Love for her partner, Catherine had said. But also, she had loved Rhea as well. Dorothea mentioned that love and lust were different things, and you still had a hard time with that one. You had loved Jeralt, the one who raised you. All of these types of love were so different.

But there was one thing they all had in common; love was about caring for someone.

You don’t think you’ve ever cared for someone as much as you care for Edelgard.

“…I’m not good at this.” Edelgard says suddenly, eyes darting down.

“This?” You ask.

“Dealing with people. Feelings. You.” She shakes her head with a frustrated grin. “You came into my life so suddenly, turned against the church on your own volition, followed me to hell and back. Would probably keep doing it if I asked.”

“You don’t have to ask.”

“I know. You’ve made that clear.” She bites her lower lip and says one more time. “I’m not good at this, but if I were to leave this to you, I’m afraid we wouldn’t get anywhere.”

You tilt your head to the side, confused.

With a small sigh, Edelgard opens her palm, where she’d been hiding the small ring you gave her. “This was such a straightforward gesture, but still, I can’t help but to need… further confirmation.” Finally, she looks at you, and – heavens above – her cheeks are pink. The Emperor of all of Fódlan is shy, embarrassed, and…

Afraid.

“You’re scared.” You turn fully to her, now.

“I am.”

“Why?”

“Because I was never _this_ terrified of losing anyone,” Her voice shakes. “Until you.”

That’s dangerous for an Emperor. “I’m a source of weakness for you.”

“You are.”

“This makes me a burden.” Your face is as impassive as always, but then you give her a tiny grin. “I was right, after all.”

You have a feeling that she wants to slap you, but she doesn’t. Instead she closes her eyes and clenches her fists, then drops her shoulders.

“Professor… just tell me,” Edelgard asks, because begging is beyond her. “Is your heart beating as strongly as mine right now?”

And this _breaks_ you.

Maybe the reason you came into her life was not to pick up her pieces, but to shatter with her so you could both patch each other up with parts of one another.

You take one step forward, grab her wrist, and place it on top of your chest. “Is it?” It’s a confirmation.

Her palm is warm. When she feels the violent thumping vibrations, her skin crawls, and she breaks into a smile that is far too beautiful not to be immortalized. You want to make her smile like this for the rest of her life.

“El.” You say her nickname and she looks back up, eyes shining. “If it beats now, it’s because of you.”

“That’s— that’s hardly—” She wants to deny it, say something silly like how your fate is in your own hands, but you don’t want to hear it.

You let go of her wrist to touch her cheek, and bend over so your forehead touches hers. The moment she inhales, you know you want to hear her breathing for as long as you’re on this earth. “I want my heart to keep beating.” You tilt your chin and place a chaste kiss to the corner of her mouth. “And it only beats for you.”

Before you can lean back completely, Edelgard grabs your coat and pulls you back in. “You—” Her nose brushes yours and she mutters, eyes closed. “…Tell me I can break. Only for tonight.”

Your hands move to her hips, pulling your bodies closer. “You can break.”

And she does.

She slowly dips forward, her lips finally meeting yours, and she sighs against your mouth. It’s the sigh of a girl who has been holding herself back from kissing the love of her life for five years. A girl who had everything taken from her, but who took everything back, and now, just wanted to rest.

Edelgard sighs because with you, she can.

Both of her hands move up, brushing your shoulders, grabbing your neck, going into your hair. You don’t know if she’s ever kissed anyone before, but you know she’s never meant it as much as she does now. Her mouth tastes a little bit like wine. You kiss her deeper. When she pulls back, you kiss her five more times.

And your hearts beat in tandem.

When finally, you allow her to laugh against your mouth and pull you into a hug, she sighs again. “I feel like the words I want to say aren’t enough. Nothing will ever be enough.”

You nuzzle her neck, nearly purring into her arms. “If words are all we have, we should say them, I think.”

Edelgard chuckles against you. “Fair enough.” She leans back to whisper into your ear.

You knew what she was going to say, but your heart wasn’t ready when she said it. It beats so hard; you wonder if she can feel it. You realize she probably can.

Your heart belongs to her, anyway.

You don’t want to think about how hot your face feels so you kiss her neck, her jaw, her cheek, her lips again.

It’s okay if your heart wasn’t ready.

You have a lifetime to prepare.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on twitter!!! @niigoki_


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